Growing increasingly comfortable with the idea that their pet could be an instrument of social influence, local woman Anita Barlow confirmed Thursday that her cat, Reggie, has been a cute little surprise all along.

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“I was going to give him his due for being a great little doggie, but then we brought him home with a cute little scratchy tail,” said Barlow, adding that while she was glad the two of them had been kept in nice physical condition, her cat was far more than a cute little loser.

“He’s a big boy, for crying out loud, and he’s been eating balls for the past couple weeks. I wouldn’t be doing this if I were you.” At press time, Barlow confirmed that Reggie was making such a huge deal that she had no choice but to buy him a brand new one.