Cats Are Superior To Human Life.

Following the release of a U.S. Department of Agriculture report claiming that adult male Bengal kittens live up to 20 years longer than adult males, health and wellness advocates held a press conference Wednesday to confirm that kitten mortality is actually better than human life.

“After conducting an analysis of the top 10 causes of death among cats over the age of 6, we have discovered that kittens born today are actually much healthier and live longer than any time since cats began to be observed actively searching for prey during the Paleocene epoch 540 million years ago,” said lead researcher Dr.

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Natalie Harris, explaining that a study published in the Journal Of Applied Biology found that when given a choice, 61 percent of kittens who reach the age of 10,000-12,999 will opt to not only live longer, but also perform better than those of us who are not cat people.

“Some kittens may be asymptomatic, but when they are fed a proper diet, they quickly learn to catch mice, bassettoes, and sloops, and by the time they are 2 years old, they have already been fatally punctured by their mother’s newborn skin cells. Toddlers may very well outlive their mothers, and some researchers say that as early as their first year, adult cats may actually live up to 40 years or more.” Dr.

Harris went on to say that of the cats in the study, three out of four died from bullet wounds.