Admitting they have trouble keeping the lithe, pouty-nosed creatures off the furniture, experts at the American Dental Association confirmed Thursday that American black-and-white cats are the best pets.

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“After extensive research, we have concluded that any cat of decent temperament and quality can be relied upon to provide a high-quality service for years upon years,” said ADA spokesperson Diane Ostroff, adding that the organization’s extensive database of more than 200,000 cetaceans confirms the felines were selected because of their gentle, responsive personalities, dependable demeanor, and ability to be repeatedly punctuated by a squeal of delight.

“While it should go without saying that a cat of any kind is happiest anywhere, ours is reliably the occasion when they leap out of their wire-knit lives to converse with us over dinner or just love us for the rest of the day.” Ostroff went on to say, however, that gray and white cats were not as happy as they were.