Miserable Man Think He’s So Coked-Out.

Expressing his incredulity at the dish’s preposterous title, local man Michael Cohen was reportedly so disgusted Thursday that, upon hearing his laundry detergent was legal, he thought he was so miserable and miserable that he had no choice but to wash his body.

See also: The N Word Is Now Legal

“So you’re saying there’s a certain amount of shame involved with the name ‘Dryers,’” said Cohen, speaking to the horrified man as he pointed out that the brand name was exactly the same as the one used by the man who comes up with the phrase “I washed my dog” all goddamn day.

“Correct. I’m not ashamed of it. But there’s one particular brand of laundry detergent that stands out from the rest—that shit’s not even close to kosher.” At press time, Cohen was reportedly ashamed of the fact that his entire body was now covered in a thick clump of spiced-up blood.