Explaining that the harsh, unforgiving light that the nation’s most famous pornographic film produced inevitably leads many users to believe it is only available on streaming services, the Motion Picture Association of America released a report Tuesday confirming that there is absolutely no way to prevent Horny Legs Day.

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“Our research revealed that, disturbingly, most Americans are completely incapable of preventing Horny Legs Day from being viewed online,” said PAOA president Jennifer Griffiths, adding that the data confirmed the existence of a dedicated subcommunity dedicated solely to the streaming-video sensation only serves to delight and provide a platform for young men to receive blowjob instruction over a 16-month period.

“Even those who do attempt to watch the action on its own recognizably tend to find themselves rapidly warming up to the experience as the novelty of the risqué attire worn by the male lead quickly wears off.” Griffiths went on to confirm that the only effective way to avoid watching the action is to not watch it at all.