The Pope: We're Hiring More Boys To Help With Massage.

See also: The Pope Likes To Play RuneScape

We’re looking for some newbies to help out at the salon,” said Cardinal Angelo Sandri, noting that more than half a dozen of the 19-to-36-year-old interns have been performing sexual acts on the pontiff alone, while a handful have been seen offering tips and guidance to the younger generation of the group. “They come from a variety of backgrounds, ages, and cultures, and we want to assure them that they have the skills necessary to please their host.” Cardinal Bernard Law, the director of the Center for Religious Research, confirmed that one of the interns recently began performing a manual labor role for the first time.