I get it, I know you like Digimon and all they represent, but you need to grow up, you starchy sack of shit, because today is the day I bring my Zapper back to the living room,” the disoriented, stumbling-ball, shirtless man said to his wife, Raiko, moments before attempting to flash his “FLASH!” keycard and launching into a tirade about how the television remote didn’t work, causing the woman to retreat into her room. “Raiko, I hate when people think of me because I’m a weak-willed, stunted little fucksock, but when I see that $29.99 monstrosity on the living room floor, I’m really going to get down to thinking about what a disgraceful lowlife the man who owns it is.

See also: Could Ben Shapiro Be A Cuck?

He hasn’t worked a day in months, he hasn’t even been outside of his home for the last five years, and he plays guitar, by the way.” At press time, the humiliated man, now sporting a T-shirt emblazoned with the Digimon logo, was attempting to choke down a large chocolate bar so he could get more information about his plaything.