In a shocking development that has put the kibosh on kibosh, sources confirmed Thursday that an infected wad of contaminated beef is now illegal.
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“We’re now completely against the law of the land,” said Health and Human Services Commissioner Scott Pruitt, adding that the measure would greatly increase the likelihood of disease, especially among people who had previously relied on contaminated pork-based dishes like Fried Chicken McNugget or Tender Buttered Fish.
“We’re taking a hard line on animal products that puts the health and safety of American citizens at risk, and we’re doing it again. This ban on beef is not about vanity, it’s about public safety.” At press time, Pruitt had ordered the repeal of the previous ban on kibbles like Miss Patty’s Unsustainable Burger that were deemed too greasy.