Following the passage of a landmark new bill that ended mass shootings in the United States for the better, sources confirmed Wednesday that the U.S. will finally stop the killings.

See also: Finally, Humans Cannot Stop Me

“This is a difficult time for American citizens, and it would be irresponsible of us not to mention the many other factors that contribute to this problem,” said U.S. House Speaker Paul Ryan, adding that the NRA’s position on gun control was not only irresponsible, but also dishonest, and that action was not even necessary because the nation was already safer than it’d seem from the actions of the previous administration.

“We’re certainly not suggesting that gun control will suddenly go away overnight, nor are we suggesting that a better alternative is available, but we think the best course of action would be for us to simply expire on this tragedy and do away with all gun violence in our country.” At press time, the nation’s leading psychiatrists had issued a statement recommending a variety of antidepressant medications before delving into the reasons behind the epidemic.