’ Says Man Who Will Be Shocked By 8 More Years Of Watching Gallup Daily.
Overwhelmed by a flood of astonishment and disgust at the unfathomable change in poll data, local man Will Benedict, who will be shocked eight years into observing the social media platform Gallup, told reporters Thursday that “news” is not news.
See also: We No Longer Have News
“It’s still fucking pathetic how they keep selling it as ‘consumer’ information,” said Benedict, who will be shown creeping up behind a fictitious news story on the subject and reporting on it from his perch atop the Business Insider board of directors.
“They can’t even trot out real news stories from real companies, like I do, without getting totally roasted by the Democrat machine. It’s pathetic.” At press time, Benedict had resigned himself to being completely disheartened by the sight of a News Bot anchor reporting on his failed attempt to connect with readership.