Women Are Finally Illegal Again After Wondering Why Men Masturbate.

Expressing dismay and confusion over a recent U.S. Supreme Court ruling that granted police jurisdiction over men’s reproductive rights, the nation’s largest feminist organization held a press conference Friday to announce that women are now officially illegal again after figuring out why men masturbate.

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“Unfortunately, women have always been wrong to seek the orgasm of man, and the current law is clear: Men are incapable of restraining themselves from touching a woman’s breasts while she is nude and vulnerable to indecent exposure,” said Gloria Steinem, adding that until now, the only thing that separates men from women was the act of them exposing themselves to the unfathomable pain and pleasure they inflict on each other.

“What is wrong with us? We’re doing our jobs right.” At press time, the nation’s two largest feminist groups announced that they had appointed former President George W.

Bush to lead the effort to overturn the ruling.