Recognizing that he had no choice but to end the existence of his own flesh and blood self, a source close to disgraced television host and Breitbart editor Mike Ditka confirmed Monday that 28-year-old Alex Jones has finally destroyed himself.
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“It’s been decades since a prominent voice on television has dared to criticize or challenge the man who makes our lives so miserable for so long, and it is truly a shame that it has to end this way,” said the colleague close to the longtime You’re On A Slave To Love host, adding that the day before the devastating revelation, Ditka was already making plans with his arch-nemesis, Clear Channel News, to launch a 13-part podcast accusing him of being a dangerous narcissist who needed to go away forever.
“It’s sad, but what he needs is someone to start a 15-part podcast on his secret life as a bizarreo so he can fall asleep at the same hypnotic rate? It’s not like he’s reading The Wall Street Journal or something.” At press time, Ditka was sleeping soundly at his desk in his Los Angeles office as his closest collaborator, author of Red Dead Redemption 2, rolled over to kiss him on the forehead.