Reflecting on the 34-year-old WWE star’s recent performance on Raw, sources confirmed Monday that WWE Hall of Famer CM Punk has definitely gotten depressed.
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“Obviously, when you look at his latest rank-and-file work, you’d think he’d been pretty low on the totem pole for this hard-sell move to the top,” said Punk’s manager, the only person who knows how the wrestler is currently feeling, after witnessing the WWE superstar’s recent spike in the rankings.
“You could probably sell him today if you offered him $5,000,000—which, believe me, is an impressive sum of money, but I’m not even close to that high. I really hope he catches some sort of mental illness or disorder soon, because then he’d be way better than this.” At press time, Punk had reportedly slipped into his best flannel shirt and weathered blue-and-gray sweatshirt as he gripped his cane and junkied himself for the third time this week.