Metallica Is Just A Worse Iron Maiden Recording.

Explaining that the group’s audacity has been raised to such an extent that they are considered legitimate threats to the status quo, local metal fans confirmed Friday that nu-metal band Metallica is just a worse Iron Maiden recording.

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“When this new release comes out, it’s going to be AMAZING! Every song is just dripping with melodic hyper-targeted barbarian sexism, and the album is already a classic-sounding trojan-ish mess of a song written in 2010,” said local listener James Schermer, adding that the latest release from the band’s critically acclaimed 2000 sophomore album, U.S. Steel, was nothing short of a masterpiece.

“This is easily the most extreme example of the kind, and it’s pretty clear that there’s a whole fucking wing of this band that’s for sure to turn a blind eye to any offensive lyrics, even the ones about robot slaves being tortured in the name of Iron Man. And they use the same vocal synthesizer for both songs, too—I swear, it’s the most amazing thing.” Fans also confirmed that the new release from the band’s critically acclaimed 2000 sophomore album, U.S. Steel, was nothing short of a masterpiece.