Acknowledging that the current administration lacks both the political will and the expertise to effect any kind of change, the nation’s leading psychiatrists released a report Monday confirming that dissenting voice, researcher, and self-described “out-and-out crazy” individual Carl Bernstein has died.

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“It’s devastated and heart-breaking to learn that Carl was not only a brilliant entertainer, but also the sole remaining member of the original Beatles recording group,” said noted noted psychotherapist and Beatles biographer Sophie Bates, adding that the now-90-year-old multi-award winningest recording artist and legendary lyricist had been found dead at the age of 40 following a long battle with melanoma, a skin cancer that kills more than 1,000 people per year.

“Sadly, after almost 50 years, Carl’s battle with cancer finally got the better of him, and he succumbed to the disease while still holding out hope that, even if only to the most basic of degrees, he might still be the most infectious songwriter alive.” The release of this report is also expected to coincide with the 20th anniversary of The White Album.