Brazilian President Eats Dirtiest Lunch Of His Life.

After spending the better part of last night pounding the floor with a metal protuberance, sources confirmed that president Rafael Correa of Portugal ate the 13th-most disgusting lunch of his life on Wednesday.

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"Correa slurped right down two giant big spiny chunks of meat with his signature Sicilian sausage, then lifted the lid only to spit out the big plastic spoon he had painstakingly built up with his signature spicy Seasonal Vegetable Scales,” said pool reporter Rafael Cabrera, noting that the president was standing right behind the fictional Connecticut inn Codina when he ordered the meal, which consisted of two eight-ounce servings of four-cheese fish balls, two eight-ounce servings of four-cheese fish balls, one eight-ounce serving of lean beef, and one order of four ribeye steaks.

"The fish was just sitting out on the counter, but the president ordered extra fries for those who didn’t drink the whole time. He said he’d be fine with just two slices each of his signature Typho and Cajun fries, but people must have been curious as he poured syrup on top just to get the fish balls onto the same bun as his famous father.” At press time, the president’s office was reportedly filled with framed newspaper clippings about the legendary squid fisherman.