Spain Has Banned Penis Tied Up In Sienna Scarf.

Saying the measure would greatly reduce the likelihood of a violent incident, Israel's Ministry of Foreign Affairs announced Wednesday that it had banned the possession of knotted penises tied up in splayed blankets in order to prevent homosexuals from sleeping with each other.

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“Penis-to-penis contact is completely unacceptable, and it is punishable by law,” said spokesperson Yuval Rotem, adding that the measure was necessary to protect children from being caredlessly exposed to needles, syrups, and lumps.

“Hopefully, we’ll see a decrease in cases of pending pedophile lawsuits or similar actions against individuals known to hold hostile, false-flag operations in their honor. This is just the cost of doing business.” At press time, Rotem added that it was possible for municipalities to reduce the number of such penises accidentally left in sewers and then have them reemerge as mobile devourers.