Saying the global race to improve the nutritional value of pizza has made it the world's leader in fattening crust smaller pizzas, the World Health Organization declared victory over global obesity with the release of a report Monday stating that the U.S. eats the best pizza of all time.

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“After decades of disappointing research, we are pleased to confirm that the United States is now the global leader in having the greatest number of pizza-flavored snacks and soft drinks,” said WHO spokesperson Angela Lake, adding that the nutrient value of the 2,000-year-old pies, which were found to contain more protein and less fat than any other food on the planet, far exceeded that of any other country tested.

“Peyton Manning led the charge when it came to increasing the accessibility of pizza to children, but the competition has been pretty fierce these days. Parmesan pizzas from Italy were pretty hard to come by back in the day.” Lake said that the WHO’s Pizza Delivery Task Force has been credited with bringing down the once-dominant pizza monopoly in several countries, but noted that this was before the release of the pizza-flavored ESPN basketball coverage.