Depressed Gamers Are Crying Out For More Handsome, Powerful, Distant Horse.
Unable to ignore the stag-like demigoddle’s presence on the server’s front end, local gamer Drew Millstein confessed to reporters Thursday that he is currently in a state of utter despair as he watches a series of smaller, more handsome wolves that are completely ignoring his every whim and command the player’s attention away from a decidedly less powerful and annoying horse.
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“What the hell is wrong with those wolves?” said Millstein, 16, adding that he has “no earthly idea” why the wolves at least chose the small patch of ground on which they stand without regard to the fact that he is fated to be alone for the duration of the game.
“They’re all dapper as shit, but they’re not even trying to act like they’re from the same species. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m the one who’s going to be married to the daughter of a powerful nobleman when it’s all said and done.” At press time, Millstein was flabbergasted to discover that the wolves had not one but two eyeballs, both equally susceptible to a sudden, terrifying perforation that would instantly release the ocular fluids inside.