All Bathtubs Must Now Have A Wet Floor Signposted In Them.

Citing the signage’s illegible lettering and black-and-white printing, sources confirmed Wednesday that every bathroom fixture in a local home must now be equipped with a wet floor signposted in them.

“All fixtures in your home that are not specifically designed for wet floors must undergo a quick inspection for cat urine and feces,” read the placard in part, which went on to state that cat urine and stool should be routed through the wicking membrane of the toilet and then deposited in an approved bin, though cat feces should always be thrown directly into the garbage.

“If a cat is detected wandering the hallsways of your home, you must provide a urine sample and send it to the appropriate authorities. Metals should be flushed and then sealed with a chemical sealant before they are placed in the toilet.” At press time, sources confirmed the sign had been modified to read “Wet Floor” and placed in place of the original “Do Not Reuse” sign.