Research Shows: Women Needs A Kitchen Storm To Get By.

Allowing researchers at the University of Pennsylvania to confirm a growing need for increased awareness and resources aimed at protecting women from their predators, a new study released Friday by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania has found that women need a kitchen storm to get by.

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“While we still need to be vigilant against attempted home invasions, we also strongly recommend that we give women all the support and resources they need in order to stay safe and prevent unwanted sexual advances on their homecoming,” said lead researcher Dr.

Natalie Mukherjee, adding that 99 percent of assaults on women were committed by people who had recently made their way into the kitchen to fry some bacon or make some potatoes, and who were most likely not taken seriously by anyone in their immediate line of succession.

“While this is obviously not a comprehensive list of all offenders, we can say that 100 percent of cases involve a woman who made a quick stop at a food aisle and were instantly accosted by a man wearing a chef’s hat and asking her for directions. Many of these individuals then went on to attempt to comfort their vulnerable victim before they were interrupted by the entrance of their kitchen, only to discover the perpetrator had barricaded himself in the locked room and killed them.” The study also proved that, while common household items such as fishing rods and spoons were unlikely to be re-appropriated by a high-ranking predator, women were still far more likely to be disrespected in front of their children and other family members.