’ Say Doctors Dismembered & Deceased After Week-Long Trip To Bahamas.

Explaining that the experienced medical professional had been rendered incapable of giving any orders whatsoever, the Atlantic Ocean and its associated weather systems confirmed Thursday that a group of doctors were dismembered and murdered this week following a week-long trip to the Bahamas.

See also: The Doctors Are Sad

“At approximately 8 p.m. last night, a single scalpel-sharp instrument was employed to murder an MDF-1 trauma victim,” said the British Isles, each maintaining that the amateurish amateurish surgical procedure had been performed without the least bit of sophistication, leaving the two doctors fully competent enough to defend themselves against any criminal charges.

“It is with great sadness that we announce the passing of accomplished French surgeon and OB-GYN Dr. Philippe Charcot, 41, who was travelling with six of his colleagues when he was hacked to death along with several other medical professionals. The incident is believed to have happened around 11:15 p.m. last night, when he was beaten so severely that blood and tissue was everywhere. The British Legion has extended its sincerest condolences to the Charcot family at this difficult time.” At press time, the British Isles had this morning confirmed that they had opened an investigation into the matter.