’ll Know It’s All Foam,’ Says Man Who Kept Awake From 8-hour Labor.
Wincing and shaking his head at the sight of the man who had followed him into the city’s darkest secrets over the weekend, local man Bradley Wuster, who awoke from an eight-hour labor, told reporters Tuesday that it was all foam.
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“All that’s in here, already. It’s just some random stuff we got from some dump in the middle of nowhere,” said the 37-year-old, who reportedly had spent the last several hours absorbing the bitter truth about unpaid internships, living off of state unemployment benefits, and having to learn to cook for his $8.30 meal without getting a single paycheck.
“It’s okay. It’s just some work. And some of that weird red stuff on the floor is obviously going to be super sticky when it’s all mashed up.” At press time, Wuster was too lazy to get up and go to work, but instead took some time to reflect on the man who had taken his leave at 8 p.m.