Hamburger Is Banned From NBC’s Hardball.

After an 8-year-old boy at the Los Angeles Zoo was mysteriously killed while attempting to enter a brothel, sources confirmed Thursday that Burger King has been banned from playing host to the NBC soap opera Body Double.

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“Due to a tragic accident this morning, Burger King will not be performing its popular ‘The Oldest Regime’ series in its current capacity,” said network executive Bruce Helford of the unfortunate young man who died amid the show’s expansion to nine additional cities.

“Our thoughts are with his widow and his two children at this difficult time. Rest assured, however, that the new episodes will be infinitely darker and featuring an assortment of the most vile, repugnant, foul-smelling men and women in entertainment.” Sources also confirmed that the voice of the recently deceased Carrie Fisher will be provided by the disgraced star of the Star Wars franchise.