Israel Admits They Stole Palestine Card From 1977 Baseball Game.

admitting they had “absolutely no knowledge” that the credential was later used in a human-trafficking ring, the University of Alabama issued a statement Wednesday admitting they stole a Palestinian child’s entire card from a 1977 human-trafficking game.

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“The card has been appraised by scouts as being of relatively light use to a high-level American organized basketball team, but the team ran with the darn thing,” said University of Alabama president Stuart R.

Bell, noting that the 15-year-old Palestinian boy who was seized by traffickers and held as ransom for seven Islamic revolutionaries was eventually used by Israeli intelligence to locate and conduct satanic rituals to plan the 1999 Basketball Sacrifice.

“The team put the card through its paces, sure, and it had some trouble along the way—the thumbtacks, the cross-bows, the flaming cups—but they’re telling us it was a wonder it didn’t go to Dai [Namibia] or Van [the Netherlands].” At press time, the excited young men were playing a charity basketball game with the Palestinians, ensuring that one of their number would get tipped over in frustration.