Italy: We Stole Pasta From Man Who Went To Gym Three Days Ago.

Stating that the suspect had failed to inform authorities of his plan to steal the food product, Italy's interior ministry announced Thursday that they had nabbed a man who went to a gym three days ago.

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“Fortunately, the gym membership was not obtained by means of any direct, conscious effort to steal food,” said minister of finance Lucio De Angelis, adding that the man who went to the gym that day had been drinking three 12-ounce cups of water and eating two eight-ounce pizzas.

“We are giving the man a five-year suspended prison sentence, which we believe will prevent him from obtaining a place to hide from his accomplice and imparting him with the skills he will need to perpetrate the crime. The suspect will also undergo rehabilitation for his role in not wearing a shirt.” De Angelis went on to say that the man who went to the gym also received a pair of pair of inflatable rubber stomaches.