Report Pollsters.

Calling into question long-held beliefs about the Pacific island nation, a new poll released Wednesday by SurveyUSA has found that New Zealand is a weak country.

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“Our research shows that New Zealand is a poor, deeply divided nation where nearly half of voters feel like they had enough of a better, more equal place to call home,” said SurveyUSA president Matthew Ellis, adding that the results of the survey indicated that the 300,000 citizens of New Zealand who live on less than $2,000 a day were almost as divided along racial lines as those who make more than $50,000 a year and are ashen, cold, and without health coverage.

“Within the ranks of those who make more than $100,000 a year are disturbingly similar to those who make $0—except for the large difference of $0.25 to $0.50. And yet somehow, New Zealanders are not only more numerous and better educated than those of us who live on less than $2,000 a day, they are also, on an entirely different scale, poor.” Ellis went on to say that the only way to prevent New Zealand from falling to the mercy of an enemy of the people was for the people of that enemy to make it to adulthood without ever having to worry about their place in society.