North Korea Has Banned North Korea From All Internet Cafés.

Stressing that a full-scale mock-up of the totalitarian nation’s Kim Jong-un loyalist posing as a U.S. senator has been sent to test how the public reacts to North Korean leaders, top intelligence officials from the United States and Japan confirmed Friday that the reclusive totalitarian nation has been banned from all Internet cafés.

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“We believe this is a first step in our ongoing campaign to rein in North Korea’s unchecked influence over the individuals and institutions of its neighbor,” said Chief of Staff John Kelly, who said the low-level military official responsible for the policy was assigned to lead an effort to crack down on the totalitarian nation’s growing number of Internet cafes.

“We believe this measure is the first step in a much larger campaign to crack down on the $20 trillion economy and its growing subservience to, you know, North Korea. Patrons of these cafes are increasingly finding themselves frustrated after learning of the government’s support for, you know, the guy who runs the country.” At press time, the Trump administration was urging the nation to rein in Kim Jong-un’s unchecked power to feed, clothe, and house himself without any restrictions.