Obama: We Need More Roblox To Kill More African Americans.

See also: Team Fortress 2 Is Better Than Roblox

Describing the gaming service as a “sweet and touchy-feely [sic],” running back Joseph Randazzo asked the 13-year-old boy if he was willing to kill more black people with his own gun to hunt down the “most recalcitrant slobs.” “Yeah, you’re exactly right,” said Randazzo, adding that he felt compelled to intervene after seeing a hyper-aggressive child who was throwing a chair across the military hangar, getting into a fistfight with his weapon drawn, and holding a gun to the temple of his opponent.

“And is it so shocking to see a kid my age throwing a handful of bricks his way when he’s just trying to work things out? Yeah, I get it—there’s a lot to dislike about blacks. But I’m saying, ‘Why don’t we try and get this kid killed as fast as possible so we don’t have to spend the rest of the weekend lecturing him about the evils of black people?” At press time, the hyper-aggressive child had been shot dead in the school cafeteria by someone they believe to be a student they knew.