’ Says Man Who Will Be Shocked By Election Results.
Growing increasingly flustered as he tried to understand why the American people elected someone who espoused such hateful, authoritarian views, local man Terry Waskin, who will be shocked by the outcome of the November elections, told reporters Tuesday that he is actually not a country and that the people should be shocked by his election results.
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“I just want people to know that I’m not even a citizen anymore, which is odd because I wasn’t even a country at all when I got elected president,” said the 37-year-old who will be SHOCKED to discover he is actually a registered agent of the United States who has no connection to the land he calls home, which is why he voted for Trump instead of Hillary Clinton.
“I voted for Trump because I believed in America, but I also voted for Clinton because I’m a Democrat and she was a Democrat. And Trump? He certainly wasn’t a citizen when he was president, but I checked. I guess he was just born in a foreign country.” At press time, Waskin’s shock had not yet fully worn off after he was informed by a friend that he was registered to vote in New York.