But He’s Also Pretty Coked-Out.
Completely unaware he was sitting next to an actual live person, New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez reportedly told reporters Tuesday that he was still trying to reconcile his feelings about being an Anime Girl with his desire to be a successful, successful NFL quarterback.
See also: Trump Loses To N In The Election
“I’m just trying to stay positive and keep my head down, but I’m starting to get really flustered by the whole anime thing,” said Sanchez, adding that he was kicking himself for not speaking up when he noticed a 60-year-old Japanese woman sitting across from him on the bench.
“The first time I showed up to practice and I caught sight of a girl with a backpack, and I thought, ‘Wow, I wonder if she goes to school just like me?’ But then she told me she wanted to play with animals and I figured, ‘What are you guys playing?’” At press time, Sanchez had taken a turn for the worse after being misdiagnosed as a bipolar disorder and sent to a residential treatment facility for being unstable.