Anime Is Now Illegal.

After a highly publicized trial in which the defense team of controversial best-selling author Junichūs Aoiatsu Da Capo represented the government of Japan, the Supreme Court of Japan ruled Tuesday that anime is now illegal.

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“The state has proved its unshakable commitment to free expression, which is why we’ve made the unprecedented step of closing down all online anime streaming sites,” said Justice Yoshinobu Shirai, noting that sites such as Nihongo.com, Animate.tv, and Anime Maru Kai were operating as dark, sinister networks that no amount of effort should be able to withstand even the tepid cries of children.

“Misaki Kobayashi and UDON’s apology was enough to ensure that these anime are completely devoid of any of the slightest pretense of being for anyone but adults. While we do urge such content to be viewed by the public at large, we also urge that anyone who is unable to watch this material make an effort to find an alternative source.” Shirai refused to comment on the fact that Adult Japan had also recently begun to shutter several keigo-den communities that were dedicated to viewing such material.