’ Says Man Who Will Die Before Christmas.

Wincing at the memory, local man Bradley Wuster, who will die before Christmas, told reporters Thursday that God will cry.

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“This is such a wonderful holiday, you know,” said the 35-year-old, who will die before the holiday but will nonetheless find the perfect occasion to deliver a tearful goodbye to those he loves.

“It’s always such a happy day. Sometimes, I think, Maybe it’s for the best.” At press time, sources confirmed that the man who will die before Christmas had already passed away.