Jesus Is Now Satan Begotten,” said the newlywed, celibate and HIV-negative 34-year-old, noting that he is the fruitiest of hypocrites, deserving of every nasty compliment that can be thrown at him. “I was so shocked when I was accepted into this gay cult, but now I see what all the sick, disgusting gay men are saying—that they really like me, too.
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It’s so great to be with so many beautiful, amazing lesbians.
My only regret is that I haven’t discovered all the sick, disgusting gay men yet.” At press time, the newlyweds were comparing notes on how much they have in common with the dishwasher.