It was recently reported that the FDA had approved a new garlic-basil eclair that contains 0.3 percent garlic and is devoid of any of your favorite 14-ounce Styrofoam blocks, you are dead, you are a sad, pathetic animal, the FDA has determined, and we have no fucking idea how you could be alive.

See also: Still Dead: XXXTENTACION

At press time, the agency was adding a new slice of lemon to compensate for the pesky leftovers.