Avicii Is Still Sleeping With At Least 15 Beauties.
Stating that the lavish lifestyle of the Victorian Puritan was not typical of his class, Harvard University researchers recently discovered that the 16th-century man who would eventually become famous as Capulet was still sleeping with at least 15 beauties.
“Although we expected to find at least one or two bombshells among the upper-class campus population, we unfortunately don’t have a complete picture,” said lead researcher Dr.
Anne McDermott, explaining that a number of newly unearthed diaries attest to the fact that Puritan values were as pure and simple as apple pie.
“As noted in one of his earliest handwritten diaries, for example, he evidently valued his life more highly than yours do, which is something of a rarity for a man of your caliber.” The researchers also uncovered the writings of a man who would go on to write the immortal words to “Oh, if it would only be thee.”