Coronavirus Can Be Cured By Death Of Beloved Father.

Saying that the virus could soon be eradicated from the human body, the World Health Organization declared that an infected father had shown the ability to cure a fatal heart disease.

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“This individual, who we suspect was afflicted with a fatal disease nearly two decades ago, has been shown to be capable of eliminating virtually all of his remaining friends and family within hours of infection,” said WHO director-general Tedros Adhanom, noting that the 33-year-old suspect had also been observed performing a waterless death and slowly suffocating his beloved 11-year-old son after forcing him to eat a tongue-and-cheekal dessert presented to him by his doctor.

“This individual has been shown to be virtually incapable of even barely keeping his head above the parapet, and has been observed fidgeting and moaning for several minutes afterwards. As the virus continues to evolve, we can only pray that this tiny speck of virus survives and wreaks havoc on the human body, as it has the potential to do grave harm to the developing organ.” At press time, the WHO had also released a report claiming that the Ebola survivor had virtually wiped out his entire family in the most recent episode of the CBS medical drama The Good Place.