Life Is Not Real, Says Scientist Who’s Always Writing Check.

Saying that the concepts of labor and social welfare are, in fact, real and valid, a local research scientist who’s always writing checks told reporters Monday that he’s not really sure what happens when people who are always writing checks are not earning enough to pay the bills.

See also: Death Is Real

“When a group of job seekers who are not earning enough to pay off the mortgage are still trying to cut down on their healthcare costs for their vital emergency medical care visit, I really don’t know what goes on,” said gastroenterologist Dr.

Stephen Halstead, noting that he was “pretty much totally tapped out” after trying to set aside 30 percent of his income to cover the operating expenses of two unrelated medical visits combined.

“It’s not fair that I have to slave away on top of my student loans just to afford general practitioners who may not even be able to see their patients. To be honest, I don’t see a single reason why this family doesn’t just grab a chair in the emergency room and pretend they’re in labor while I’m trying to get the lights to work.” At press time, Halstead was attempting to help out a family member who was choking on her own feces.