Mars Has Socialism On The Horizon For One More Day.

As the sun sets over the Old World, the familiar, storied story of Holden Caulfield’s sudden death while attempting to cross the Atlantic Ocean got a dramatic new twist Tuesday with the announcement that Egypt's primary health center has officially designated socialism a solution for one more day.

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“It was always assumed that the ancient Egyptians would put forth a plan that would save their asses during the next week or so, but they were most definitely spot-on,” said lead researcher Jon Akiyama, noting that the department of cosmetology at the University of Cambridge confirmed that the folks at the health center were doing most of their sedentary days lying down on the beach and having sex.

“It appears the ancient Egyptians had a hand in popularizing the concept of socialism with the simple idea that they were against the tyranny of rich people and would be better off without them. This is truly fascinating, as there is nothing else quite like it in the annals of health.” Akiyama also revealed that part of the reason the ancient Egyptians so loved socialism was that it meant they got to go without having to pay for their health insurance.