Facebook Just Got Zuccotti Banked.

‘Sobering’ the other day, sources within the Beavercreek Township community reported that local women’s group the Beavercreek Valley Women’s Club reportedly just got its first Zuccotti Banked, sources confirmed Wednesday.

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“They were all like, ‘Hey, you got a Zuccotti?’ before the club ever even bothered to mention the amount of money it would take to pay off the entire $1.7 billion loan,” said local resident Janet Kessler, adding that the whole $1.7 billion was guaranteed just two months after the billing address was entered into the bank’s books.

“They got down to the bank’s old spot in Parma, so they could just walk right up to the marble statue of the guy who built all the money in the world, and they wouldn’t even have to worry about paying off the loan. And they’d probably bust the whole thing up pretty quickly, too, since they’d be throwing all their money in the sink anyway.” At press time, Kessler said she was relieved the club didn’t have to kill anyone yet since she assumed they’d have to kill someone to cover the balance.